The Unimportance of Little Things
Years ago I wrote about how when rules are suddenly imposed on a group of people there is a resulting increase in the amounts of stress and arguments among the same group of people. I wrote about how a park I used to live next to in Vancouver one day introduced a bunch of rules which described which trails could be used by people walking their dogs. Some were on-leash, some off-leash, some weekends only. It was a mess. Where there were used to be no confrontations between people there were now regular confrontations where people would point to the rule and say you were no longer allowed here or there.
The thought again popped into my mind a few weeks back when I saw how my children had set the table. The fork was on the right side of the plate, the knife on the left. The cutting edge of the knife was facing out - away from the plate. The napkin was on the left. The glass was centred above the plate.
I thought - gosh they have it all wrong! Did they not learn anything over the years?!? I was going to correct them but then thought....does it really freaking matter? Not really. While this example is not about rules it is about traditions and "ways-of-doing-things-because-they've-always-been-done-that-way".
I was raised one way. There was the one way and the wrong way. Place settings were an example of that.
Fork left of plate
Knife right of plate, cutting edge facing the plate (This, I was told, was very important for some reason!)
Soup spoon right of plate, right of the knife.
Dessert spoon/fork, top of plate, handle facing right for spoon, left for fork (huh?)
Napkin right of plate
Glass top right hand corner
Many of you will read this and think I am out to lunch especially when it comes to the soup spoon, dessert spoon/fork and the napkin. I think people tend to agree on the fork and knife though I imagine that left handers would disagree.
Anyhow....parents and children have been frustrated by these rules for generations. Parents because they are enforcing ways they were taught and which were never questioned. Children because they don't understand nor remember from one time to the next and have this repeated to them many times to their rolling eyes.
In addition, when we are invited to a friend's, or worse relative's (the same bloodline for crying out loud), house for a meal and find the place setting set in a non-conforming way we immediately judge a lack of education, class or attention to detail on behalf of the hosting family. We will sometimes extend the judgement to all of the citizens of the country or region they come from. These people are heathens!
In the end, hopefully, we were able to find the fork and knife. Using these tools we tasted some amazing food prepared for us kindly and lovingly by these same heathen relatives or friends. This should help us to forget the initial judgements and rather leave us with a warm feeling of friendship and love. The food was amazing, the conversation thoughtful.
Maybe we need more flexibility in the way of social mores and traditions so that we can just relax and focus on what is really important. The food and conversation.
In the end, I don't give a shit where the fork is....so long as it is clean!!
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