A Present of the Present
Last night, for the first time in a year, I meditated. Coincidentally this was exactly one year after I first tried meditation. The scene could not be different however. A year ago I was in Koya-san, a mountain retreat established by Kukai, the founder of the Shingon school of Buddhism. Yesterday I was in the media room of the Beaconsfield library. What a contrast.
Of course location should not make a difference at all. If one concentrates on the moment, on breath, on all senses and if one tries not to focus on the bombardment of thoughts coming in to distract, one should be able to feel the same here, there and everywhere. Or so goes the theory.
I have been looking for, and continue yearning for, a present of the present. But no one will hand it to me or give it to me....I need to find it within and this is very hard indeed given my 100 mile an hour brain. How to stop it? How about just slowing it down? How to stop comparing the present to the past? How to stop improving the present with a future?
So far the easiest way for me to stop my brain has been by listening to music. Music has always been a very important part of my life. It creates a distraction from my bombardment and affects my mood. It is my drug, my toke, my pill. When I want to be melancholic, happy, need to blow off steam, be sad I know what to tune to play - and am transported into that mood. But it does not help me to live the moment. Rather it sometimes brings back memories - that past again. It, therefore, also distracts me from the hard work of shutting out past and future and living present.
The present I am looking for will not be handed to me.....I need to work at it, learn it, be taught to live it without focus on past and future.
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